I CRY a lot!

Some of the stereotypes that I had heard about pregnant woman are proving to be nothing close to a creation of fiction but more so PURE FACT. I can't help it. I am an emotional wreck a great deal of the time. It's not so much that I'm neurotic or crazy. In my opinion, I'm far from it. It's mostly my emotional responses are heightened beyond belief. My eyes fill with tears on a daily basis....there's no stopping them. I "cry" because people are thoughtful, because I have worries, because I'm grateful for everything I have, because there are children in sad situations, because I feel loved. Really....any emotion one might experience is expressed in a similar fashion, TEARS!

Here are just a few examples of from the last week.

* Casey and I watched the second Transformers movie one night last week. I sat watching as tears filled my eyes. He looked over at me puzzled why this movie would make me upset. It had nothing to do with the movie. I was worried about Marley. He has always had a few "issues". I was worried that something terrible was going to happen and we wouldn't be able to have him once our baby was born. It was making me sick to think about. Thank goodness we developed an action plan and Marley is doing much better after Boot Camp with Frank Allison. We've been following through at home and his behavior has already improved! At the time, it was just so overwhelming and heartbreaking to think about. It's a little comical to me now though, I feel so much better about everything and have trouble even recalling why I was SO upset.

* Last week, I talked to one of my students about why he is not doing well in school. He's in the sixth grade and failing miserably. He's polite and respectful, but he's apathetic...just going through a handful of the motions. He's not engaged in instruction to say the least. He had shared with me a few weeks prior that his mom has been in Puerto Rico for the last 8 months and that his older sister (who is, at most 20yrs old) is taking care of him. I asked him about his mom and if he missed her. It broke my heart that this child was struggling so and he didn't have his mother to help him. I fought the tears as best as I could while I explained to him that I would be so sad if I was 12 years old and I didn't have my mother or father. I tried to justify his feelings while making him understand, that despite what he was going through, he had to make some changes. Kids like Isaiah quickly can become a personal mission for me. To be honest, I do not think he needs my services as a Speech Language Pathologist. He needs an adult to tell him every day that they care about him and want him to be successful, and that's what I'm trying to do for him. I created a self monitoring program for him to use each day evaluating whether he followed along with the class, participated in a discussion, and turned in his homework. If he completes those tasks 12 times in a week, he earns a reward. Do you want to know what he wanted? I offered him computer time, lunch with a friend or teacher, extra time in art, candy bars, anything. He wants me to write a positive note home for him. REALLY...that's it. This is not a typical "reward" for a kid. This choice, his want for positive feedback, was screaming to me, he wants someone in his life to care about how he is doing at school. So far, the plan is working. I visit him (each day I'm at that school) just to check in. I want him to know that I care about him, want him to make it, and want him to know that someone is holding him accountable. Kids like Isaiah make me love my job. They make me feel like I am maybe making a difference. I read a long time ago the single most determent of whether a child graduates from high school is whether or not the child builds at least one strong relationship with a teacher. I'm trying! And I'm crying about it! It's heartbreaking to know some of my students stories....they are little survivors.

* Today I read my mom's facebook status. She's counting down the days until she becomes a grandma. I can't explain how lucky I feel to have been raised by my parents. People who are role models. They provided me with so much...tangible items, but beyond that and more importantly, emotional security, support, and unconditional love. Her friends commented on what an amazing grandma she is going to be. I couldn't agree more. I thought to myself about my hopes of living up to her standard. I want to be as good of a mother to my child as she was (and is) to me. I could help it....the tears where back!

To my little baby, you make my eyes fill up with tears too. I'm in pure amazement of what's happening within me. Your tiny tastebuds are developing right now....it's crazy. Not only do I wonder about what kind of parents we'll be to you, I wonder about you. What do you look like, what stories and toys you will make you laugh, what personality will you have, what foods will you love. I can't imagine having greater excitement or anticipation for anything in my life. I talk about you nonstop and am spending hours getting ready for your arrival. I can not wait to feel the instant love and joy I will have the minute I meet you.